I wage war on alarm clocks and men who wear tank tops, because I care about my sleep and my eye sight. I like confident people who are guided by reason interlaced with passion and kindness, there are fewer of these people than one would imagine. I am entirely unavailable in the mornings, very churlish when cold and extremely dangerous when hungry; the rest of the time I am an absolute delight wrapped in a ray of sunshine, smothered in awesome and sprinkled with glee. I believe in “Live and let live” and am a hyper vigilant defender of people of “alternative” sexual orientations and lifestyles. I like to reside close to hospitals and police stations, as I am highly susceptible to raccoon and squirrel attacks, an occasional disgruntled bird too. But it’s ok, they are just jealous.

The way I eat candy you would think I owned a dentist and an insulin pump. I am a roller-coaster riding enthusiast, a recovering label whore, a freakishly clean slob, a humble snob and a walking contradiction. I have a dirty, politically incorrect mind, but cannot stand vulgarity or tactless foot in the mouth blurbs. I am seldom (very)drunk, never mean, rarely snide and always too honest. Though my taste is great, I can be an acquired one myself. I like to think that I am never tacky, but I know I am often impatient..and frequently snarky…sometimes I can’t help it but rhyme, therein lies a definite crime….and yes I am always right, except for when I am wrong of course, which is never.

I fish out every bee that lands in the pool and cordially move disoriented snails out of harm’s way. Insects think I am a deity and hold weekly revelries (orgies actually) in my honor. I try not to eat animals, because animals are both, innocent and important, sometimes I fail. Nature is important. Cigarettes are bad, as are drugs and rock’n roll. Oh, calm down, I am just kidding, drugs are great. I live for the people I love and for chocolate. I like to think deep, look close and travel through time with only a carry on and an endangered marsupial known as Yoohoo (see photo above). I am usually a mermaid, except for when I am an Intergalactic Battle Girl…or awake.

If you absolutely MUST…you may contact me at tennispenguin@yahoo.com


24 thoughts on “About

    1. I thought it was hilarious, bahahahah, but I have no idea who it reminds me of, I mean I think you or I could be THAT very diplomatic GIRL, like i’d talk the pants off of a bridge troll, I would, but somewhere in the back of my mind I worry that you meant that the troll reminds you of me hahaha, and that wouldn’t go over so well, cus I am quite a bit taller and have hair…and am more amiable overall most of the time.


      1. No, no, you are no troll, IGBG! And me, neither, I am hoping, although I’m short and can often be found lurking around parks. Just thinking of recent harassing comments on both our sites from one particular individual. 🙂


  1. I love your writing. I like your style. And what I admire most is that I have a strong inkling that I can respectfully disagree with you and have an actual conversation, rather than a lot of the idiocy and shallowness that is the majority of the Internet. All in all, what I’m trying to say, is: you have a new follower.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m just kidding, I welcome a disagreement, our opinions on any single subject are not all that we are, and that is something people forget. I respect thought through Opinions no matter how contrary to mine they are, and welcome a position which
      Might refine or even change my own!


  2. I am wondering. Might you have any advice for others who fight alarm clocks? Alarm clocks seem to be multiplying in my hovel and I do not know how to rid the place of them. Does fumigation work? Do I need a ferret to get them gone? What works?


    1. Baha! Let’s see. I tried fumigation, but it only got rid of my grandma, not the clocks. I tried to create an inhospitably environment with daily shaming rituals, but not till things got physical did they sit up and take notice. That didnt last long, they are once again completely tuning me out. I am still fighting the good fight, but i gotta tell you i suspect that much like cockroaches, alarmclocks will outlast and outplay us all.


      1. Returning home from a recent trip to my parents homes I find that I have a brand new (and shiny) CD/radio alarm clock with number lights big enough to scorch paint on the wall. It professes to have a snooze button on it but there is no ‘off’ button. Once it is startled from what I can only describe as sleep it will not shut up. Each time this happens the smoke detectors begin to howl with it in some sort of show of solidarity. I’m not an unkind person, so this alarm clock is now buried at the bottom of the dirty clothes hamper in hopes that it will be quiet… or feel guilty or something. I’d be at my wit’s end but that implies it had a beginning and I can’t claim to know that.

        I am considering consulting a medium over the proliferation of alarm clocks situation. I’ll let you know how that goes.



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